Salesperson Service

All of you sell the same products with the same features and the same prices. So what do you do ? Why, hire  identically morose, rude, disinterested and unlikable salespeople to go with them of course. 

I was out  shopping for a telly  last weekend and having a really hard time deciding between brands.The guy at the first store was so m,r,d and u that it helped : i just walked out of there. The  guy at the second place was no different. Perhaps a bit less r  but also possibly a bit more d. I mean he did attempt a smile and, had a yawn not got in the way, would even have succeeded.

I finally bought my box at a shop where the chappie's body language didn't suggest that he'd either kill or self destruct at the idea of making a sale. That he actually bothered to compare as many as two different models - even going  so  far as to demonstrate half of one - was  further impetus.

Good thing I have such a half-baked conscience. A fully baked one would have constantly reminded me, each time I switched on the TV, of the pain i inflicted on this stoic fellow whose moments of idle leisure i'd so thoughtlessly intruded into. It was definitely very poor Salesperson Service on my part.

Scenes From A Restaurant - 3

Waiter : "Here's your bill, sir"

Customer : "$150. Hmm...." (whispers) " Er, this is embarrassing but I'm running a bit short here. Could you possibly lend me a tenner."

Waiter : "No."

Customer : " Right. So here's $150 for the bill. And this is the $25 that I'm not going to tip you after all."

Scenes From A Restaurant - 1

Customer : " John is it ? Good. Recommend cocktails any,John ?"

Waiter : " We are known for our martini, sir"
Customer : " Not martini,thanks.Too dry."
Waiter : " You could have our Singapore Sling then..."
Customer : " Oh yeah.Hmm. No. Not today though."
Waiter : " A good old Tom Collins then ,sir ?"
Customer : "Boring."
Waiter : " Why don't you try our mojito..."
Customer : " Erm, no , no rum please"
Waiter : " I'd try Cosmopolitan - vodka,cointreau,cranberry juice.."

Customer : "No cranberry juice, thanks. What else with vodka ?

Waiter : " Flirtini,sir - vodka , champagne , cointreau, pineapple"
Customer : "Sorry,pineapple did you say, John ?"
Waiter : "Yes"

Customer : " I hate pineapple.OK. Fruit. Any other fruit going?"

Waiter " There's Apple Frost...."

Customer : "That sounds interesting."

Waiter : "Yes.Cider,cinnamon,bourbon,pear bran..."

Customer : "Cinnamon and whisky ! God no ! No ! What else you got?"

Waiter : "There's Jack Frost..."

Customer : "Not a big Tennessee fan i'm afraid.More fruit ?"

Waiter : "Make you a nice fresh strawberry-and-vodka with lime,sir"

Customer : "Strawberry ?! Nah. Just get me some water please."

Waiter : " Still or sparkling ? "

Customer : "Still"

Waiter comes back with a bottle

Customer : " Erm, tap water please, John "

Inglourious Callcenterd

This phone conversation happened a few months ago.

ME : " Hello , I'd like to book an appointment with Dr. X for next Sunday"

LADY 1 : " Sir , would you like an afternoon or a morning slot ?"

ME : "Is afternoon available?"

LADY 1 : " No, sir."

Then this a couple of days later.

ME : "Um , I have an appointment with Dr.X for next Sunday......(etc) Can i reschedule it to Wednesday ?"

LADY 2 : " Wednesday...OK sir. Would you like a morning or afternoon slot ?"

ME : " Afternoon'd be great. Is that available ?"

LADY 2 : "No,sir"

Obviously , customer is king , customer choice queen and reading out from your Customer Service training manual algorithm an absolute God. Sweet !

And then this one happened today :

ME : "Hello, I'd like to book two tickets for Inglourious Basterds , 9PM , at X "

LADY 3 : ".......(details , etc)....Sir ,can i have your last name ? "

(Five minutes getting that it in)

LADY 3 : "And your first name , sir"

ME : " Bhaskar. That's B-H-A-S..."

LADY 3 (cuts in) : " B-H-A-S-T-E-R-D , sir ?"

We covered the bit about reading out from the movie list as being an absolute God ? Well, she did need to sound a whole lot brighter for me to attribute anything more to it than that. Or at least so i hope !

Stranger and more inglourious things can happen on a phone call than Herr Furher melting into his swastika in a cinema hall fire.