Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Monet (A Floydian Slip)

Monet !
Get away.
Get a good job with more paint
And you're okay.

Monet !
It's a gas.
Grab that brush with both hands
And make a splash.

New car, caviar, Four Star daydream
I think I'll buy me a painting.

Monet !
Get black.
JPEG's alright Jack
Just keep your hands off my Mac.

Monet !
He's a hit.
He don't do none that
DIY toolkit.

I need a high-fidelity first class "Cliffs Of Etretat"
I think what you've got is a photosta'

Monet !
It's a crime.
Spare him fairly
From all that Tie & Dye.

Monet !
So they say
Is not on the anvil today
And if you ask why
Well it's no surprise :
He's long passed away

Away ! Away !
Away ! Away !

('In 1926'?'Yes absolutely in the right'.'I was certainly in the right',etc.)

Monday, January 30, 2012

Just Kidding

My neighbor Charlie took a shine to 'Unleash Your Inner Child :  Be Curious, Be Crazy' , tip number six   from Ten Terrific Tips For Sizzling Success when he first read the piece. ('Like our Facebook page to win a free Sizzling Success Mug').

He's not such a fan anymore. Not after it had unleashed the Outer Adult in his boss.

Which happened when he tried applying it at work. During a business review meeting , his boss had asked  for sales to be increased and costs to be cut . Charlie interrupted mid-sentence to ask why. And Charlie was promptly asked to share his own sales numbers.

"Shan't too ! " said Charlie.

When the other begged Charlie's pardon , Charlie paid no attention. He burst into a sudden giggle instead and said hey how come you have such a funny nose.

The much-zapped boss pulled off a weak laugh and asked what the hell was wrong with Charlie today.Charlie ignored him and carried on singing. He also began to draw something.(The guy next to him was to say later that - seeing as how  it looked like a TV remote mounted on a pair of antennae which of course was absurd - it was probably a creature of some sort, a man possibly) 

The now-irritated boss then asked Charlie to get the fuck out of there and sort himself out. Charlie scowled , pouted , stomped his feet , glared. Then Charlie stood right up and knocked down his chair.

He was howling when they dragged him out of the room.

Charlie ,  now on rest leave , was sipping a thoughtful coffee from his Sizzling Success mug when i met him yesterday. "Naturally I don't blame them." he said  "I look at it from a  holistic perspective."

Tip number one or two, no doubt.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Scenes From A Restaurant - 3

Waiter : "Here's your bill, sir"
Customer : "$150. Hmm...." (whispers) " Er, this is embarrassing but I'm running a bit short here. Could you possibly lend me a tenner."
Waiter : "No."
Customer : " Right. So here's $150 for the bill. And this is the $25 that I'm not going to tip you after all."