Sunday, July 13, 2014

Uptalk ? ( #That'swhatshesaid? )

I met a teenager the other day ? She didn't look up from her phone ? I don't blame her ? It was probably the weight of the earphones ?

I asked how she was doing ? And she said : "Hashtag whatever? Hashtag that'swhatshesaid?"

'Hashtag' I get ? Like, a couple of generations ago kids used to be like totally  into hash? And now they're like totally into hashtag ? I get it ?

But  'that's what she said ?'

That's what WHO said?

Turns out 'that's what she said' is a way to turn anything into a sexual joke ? It began like that and now   teens say it anyway to complete their sentences ? It's one more way of using their mouth ?  Like hashtag chewing hashtag gum ? That's what she said ?

OK so now apparently 'TWSS' peaked a couple of years ago? So this girl feels really,like,old ? Like 18? She's old ? That's what she said ?

I read about 'Uptalk' today ? You can read about it here ?

Hashtag whatever ?  

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Lord Meghnad Desi

How does M. Desai , a Londoner who lives in Times Now
Manage the feat of being both in the UK and India somehow ?
While it may well be the enduring ties of the umbilical cord
I still think it's  very omnipresent on the part of the Lord.

(Disclaimer : This post is just for a little bit of a giggle. No malice or disrespect in any form or manner intended towards Lord Desai) 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Pater Pan / Father's Day

Today's Father's Day. Or is it tomorrow ? Seeing as how there's a do at my kid's school the day after tomorrow, it may well be then. Of course it might even be on all three days. Or it could have been yesterday possibly. Who knows ? 

See,it's hard to tell with these things. There's only one person in the world who knows : one's dad, of course. And if one's dad knows about it , could one's mom be far behind ? 

No, she could not ! 

Now you know why there's also a Mother's Day.

Now some say every day is fit to be Father's Day.Clearly marketers haven't heard that one or it'd be Father's Day all year round. And if it is Father's Day all year round could Mother's Day all year round be very far behind ? 

No, it could not ! 

So every day would be Father's Day and it would also be Mother's Day. Can you imagine the abundance of love and gratitude and appreciation and bickering that'd bring ? 

FATHER : " It's my day"
MOTHER : " The hell it is. It's mine ! "
CHILD : " Oh please , mom, dad. You're embarrassing me."
FATHER & MOTHER : " Get the hell out of here, pest !"
CHILD: " But I got you cards !"
FATHER : " I chucked it in the trash" 
MOTHER : " I, er, misplaced mine."
CHILD : " Waaaahhhh"
MOTHER : " Now don't ruin my day, kid."
FATHER : " Your day ? Overbearing shrew !"
MOTHER : " Asshole."
CHILD : "Waaaahhhh"

Pretty it ain't.

Which is why we can be glad there's only one Father's Day. 

Question is : when is it ? Today ? Tomorrow ? The day after ? Heck, yesterday ? 

Now I know I said one's dad knew. But mine ? Mine jolly well doesn't. I mean, rule it out man ! For one, he's a bit hard of hearing. For another, he'd be gobsmacked. You see every day was Father's Day for him and it consisted almost entirely of receiving a few of the juiciest on the seat of his pants from his daddy.And I'll be blown if he went around writing words of love, gratitude and appreciation for his pains. 

Happy Father's Day. When is it ?

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Ink is mightier than the sword

Shri Subroto Roy alias Sahara Shree 
Was assaulted ere he could flee.
Before the ink had  dried on the case
Yo Yadav got some on his face
And of course well before it all 
Was the smearing of Kejriwal. 

The rallying cry these heady days I think 
Is that the sword is weaker than ink 

(c) Bhaskar Khaund

(NOTE : As of date I support the Aam Aadmi Party and any other new party that shares the politics they represent in India. However , neither this blog nor this post has anything to do with either my political views or with politics in general. This is strictly for a laugh and in the spirit of fun. It should not be misconstrued in any other way)

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Whyrus Virus ?

What led to this abrupt awakening so late
Of a virus ancienter than Cyrus The Great ?

Perhaps, bored stiff under subterranean ice,
It thought a microscope would be nice.

It doesn't know the internet nor Justin Bieber
Deprived for 30,000 years without amoeba

It looks odd , somewhat like the footprint of a yeti
(Not that anybody's seen a yeti, not even a Veti)

The virus' non-virulence comes as a relief
Although I'd still culture a germ of disbelief 

Are we sure that this little old Rip Van Winkle 
Is incapable of causing a crinkle or a wrinkle ?

Mind. You don't want to get too close or thick !
An infection could get you feeling very Jurasick.

("30,000 year old giant virus comes back to life")

(C) Bhaskar Khaund

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Without Pride Or Prejudice

Noting this without pride or prejudice
Old books are poised on a precipice.
Second hand Jane Austens in my locality
Are going for mere cents and sensibility.

(c) Bhaskar Khaund

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Giraffes Are Gentlemen

On decorum and protocol
The giraffe stands very tall.
Crime pages on the Telegraph
Never feature any Giriffraff

(With due nods, respects and deference to the one and only Ogden Nash)

(c) Bhaskar Khaund

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Yo ! Hippo ! (or , Making A Hash Of Nash)

So large is the African  hippopotamus 
A single one makes a river over-populous.
"One hippo is company" they say aloud
"Two hippos ? ... A crowd ! "

Although touristy and popular
The hippo's not jovial or jocular.
It remains silent and in stasis
As though under hipponosis.

A hippopotamus is rarely if ever emotional.
Melodramatic hippos are purely notional.
The hippo hallmark is a marked reticence
To display feelings of guilt or innocence.

I have it in good authority from a ranger
That an upset hippo poses a danger. 
If you ever give a hippo a hoick
It is unlikely to remain stoic.

A man who once tried to tease a hippo
Found that was no way to please a hippo.
Another who tried to stimulate it with books
Now happens to emulate its looks.

The hippopotamus to us  is pure mystery !
What are its hobbies ? What's its history ?
Does it care about its habitat being in a mess ?
On current evidence , it  couldn't care less.

About the musical tastes of the hippopotamus
Not  very much is known to us.
Does it prefer classical , jazz , or pop ? 
Perhaps  just a little Hippo Hop.

(Inspired by the one and only Ogden Nash)
(c)  Bhaskar Khaund

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Comrade Cat Of Qingdao

The cats make a beeline for the Feline
Communist Party of Qingdao.
The comrades align under the benign
Leadership of Chairman Meow

This post is in a lighter vein and is totally non-political. It is not meant to be disrespectful to any nation  , ideology or belief , none of which it has anything to do with . Any reference is only  in the spirit of  fun !