Bard ? Plane ? Just Ralph Waldo Emerson

William Percy Shakespeare.

Oops, sorry. Not Percy. That was someone else. 

Just William Shakespeare. Or Shakespeare The Greatest. 

Shakespeare wrote about so many things. What did he not write about ? Smartphones perhaps.

And how prolific he was ! He wrote a million plays and a thousand sonnets and bonnets and God knows how many more are yet to be discovered. Maybe when that spaceship gets to extraterrestrial life after all , they'll find a new one in there. Lots of funny looking life forms quoting from it too. 

People are always quoting Shakespeare. Shakespeare is probably the second most quoted person ever after Ralph Waldo Emerson*.  "The quality of mercy is not strained" or " If music be the food of love" and so on.

If William Shakespeare had a Facebook account and had Checked In At The First Class Lounge , they'd have quoted from that too. Imagine a piece about a First Class lounge beginning with something like " As the Bard of Avon said - 'My cup doth runneth o'er / With champagne' "  or something of the sort. Which is why it's fucking wonderful that he didn't. 

(* Ralph Waldo Emerson. I've seen entire books filled with RWE quotes. I know nothing about him. I don't know what he looked like. Wore a quote probably ? RWE had a lot of quotes. Great guy to hang with for bad conversationalists like me. Nothing to say ? Non-issue totally.)

The Human Condition ? Cool !

The Philosopher magazine - Gulf edition 

Had an article on the Human Condition.

It was rare and distinct

Being brief and succinct.

It ran to two words :"Air conditioned"

Now,sure, its a sentiment you understan'

I mean, whoever likes to live in a can !

(OK , so perhaps sardines   

I beg your pardines)

But come summer and I too turn into a fan

Phony Tapping - or, All Is Quiet On The Eastern Front

Sachin 200 : The retirement series in a parallel universe - 1

The first in a series exploring what  if  Sachin's much celebrated final Test series against the West Indies were to pan out in a radically different - not to mention very weird - way.

(to be continued)

The Run Machines of Indian cricket

Losing It

Losing weight is easy ! All you have to do is two things.

A. Exercise. Exercise, exercise and more exercise ! The following is a good plan to follow :

• Morning : Cycle 5 km , run 5 km, skip rope x 100 times / Shoulder and bench press-5 sets x 12 reps , arm and leg curls and back rowing - 5 sets x 100 reps, free lifts of maximum possible weight / Wind down by repeating the cardio step  also adding 30 minutes on the stepper
• Afternoon : Repeat morning program
• Evening :   Repeat morning program
• Night :  You'll probably still be at the Evening program ; if not, repeat morning program
• Through the day : take the stairs instead of the lift, do plenty of chores , walk around   

B. Eat nothing. Here's a recommended diet plan :

• Breakfast :1 bowl nothing+1 fresh seasonal nothing+1 cup skimmed nothing
• Snack : 2 pcs wholemeal nothing
• Lunch : 1 bowl nothing + 250 gm grilled nothing + 1 cup fresh nothing
• Snack : You've got to be joking
• Dinner : Stare at but don't touch - 1/4 cup rice & greens salad + 250 gm salmon fillet
• Through the day : When hungry (which will be always) , pray. 

Follow this simple program and very soon you'll not only lose a lot of weight but will also die.

To really go for the burn and get to that perfect size zero quickly, opt for cremation.

Deconstructing : Deewaar (1975)

An Endorsement Of Much Gravity

Norwegian Good

Free Ticket To Ride Norway's Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg drove his people around in a taxi. Much ado, the Indian may observe, about nothing. Indian leaders have always been taking people for a ride after all. Well, it  turns out Mr. Stoltenberg  paid his passengers for theirs*.When was the last time Indian leaders paid for anything ?

Norway Or The Highway Mr. Stoltenberg believes the Norwegian Good is better served by his driving Norway rather than a cab on its streets. Norway or the Highway ? While polls suggest that the first option isn't a certainty, the second is no cinch either : the passengers were apparently unimpressed with his chauffeuring skills. 

But that's how customers are.They pay you , they complain. You pay them , they complain. No wonder advertising great David Ogilvy famously said that "the consumer is not a moron , she's your wife." 

*Disclaimer : Yes it'd be nice to have taxi drivers pay for commutes but don't count on JS's example being followed.So the next time you're in an Oslo cab  and contemplate any withholding of  payment , expect to be paid no more by the driver than a clout on the head with the slab of Norwegian wood  closest at hand.