The Philosopher's Stoned

Cogito Ergo Sum  - "I think, therefore I am" - said the philosopher Rene Descartes whose name is pronounced very differently. Why not write De-Cart ? Typical !

What Descartes left out was this : think what exactly ? Was he being stylish, mysterious or just careless ? We'll never know - and thank goodness.  Philosophy would have  lost some serious  shine had that line been,say, "I think of shopping therefore I am in the mall."

I wish I'd known about the philosopher Immanuel  Kant's Critique of Pure Reason when I found out that critique and criticism weren't the same. It would have both lessened the shock and illustrated the difference. For Kant's critique is apparently all praise for pure reason.

I think pure reason has its limits though.  It's the lifeblood of civilization and all that of course but not particularly effective in such situations as when confronting a raging large man who has it in for you or a raging little ultra-nationalist who has it in for your views.

I'm inclined most towards the philosopher David Hume. Hume is known for empiricism and skepticism. I have no idea what empiricism is - nothing to do,I'm told, with umpiring or even empire -but I'm  skeptical enough to never go anywhere near philosophy. Which is why I should stop here. 

The gangling conversation

Every now and then we are thrown a real live conversational challenge to confront. These challenges are usually thrown by the sort of people you’d rather have things thrown at . And heck , who’d not like to deny that sort the smug satisfaction of a put down ?

So we manfully face up to the googly , give the bullshit our all and desperately hope for the best.

The results can vary widely - as the following examples hope to demonstrate :

1. Spectacularly successful : rope-clearing , over- the -top bullshit driven off the front foot

Example A

The Other : Don’t you think Descrates’ Cogito Ergo Sum is a succinct summarization of the approach that Western civilization took as a building block for itself ?

You : Oh yes ! In fact , going further , I am reminded of Spinoza’s 13th Epoch thesis. You agree with the salient counterarguments of that thesis of course ?

The Other : Er , of course. How splendid to see so much sunshine at this time of year !

(Note hasty change of topic on the part of The Other to conceal total ignorance of Spinoza’s non-existent 13th Epoch thesis)

Example B

The Other : I am inclined to believe euthanasia may be just the panacea the National Health Service has been waiting for. What do you think ?

You : Certainly there’s much to be said for that. Oh, by the way, I don’t suppose you know that Mrs. Smith has filed for divorce after she discovered Mr. Smith in bed with his secretary ?

The Other : No ! Surely not !! I had no idea. Oh , do tell me more. Please do. Oh my !

(Note change of topic on your part is perfectly calculated to banish all considerations of Euthanasia , Panacea and the National Health Service from The Other’s mind )

2. Moderately successful : stonewalling with dead , straight- bat forward defence

The Other : Cubism expressed the zeitgeist of those times , didn’t it ?

You : Yes , it did express that.

The Other : Don’t you think Picasso’s Guernica was a prognosis of a more terrible war to come ?

You : Oh yes , my opinion exactly

The Other : Oh I’d be so glad to hear your views on that

You : Oh rather , those are views that I air very often.

The Other : And they are ?

You : Oh this and that and , not to put too fine a point on it , oh , ...just my views on the subject

The Other : I should be delighted to hear them.

You : Yes.

The Other : Oh do let us hear them !

You : Yes. Certainly.

(Note no runs scored but no wickets conceded either)

3. Unsuccessful : caught feebly fending at delivery

(Note : in the following two examples , you give it away and The Other , having cottoned on to your bluff , moves in for a swift final kill )

Example A

The Other : Ancient Chinese calligraphy displays a remarkable propinquity to work independently carried out at the same time among the Incas. Isn’t that remarkable ?

You : You don’t say ! Why, propane hadn’t even been discovered in ancient China let alone calibrated. Most remarkable indeed !

The Other : What then do you make of the malfeasance apparently manifest in Lao Tzu’s 6Th century Koans and how would you reconcile it with their inherently compassionate munificence ?

Example B

The Other : I find great perspicacity in the works of the Impressionists. What do you say ?

You : I think you’ll find that it’s probably because they didn’t have deodorants in those days.

The Other : Really ! Do you then suppose the evanescence of Van Gogh’s Night Sky was a sort of metaphysical tourniquet , as it were , that occluded the rather unrealistically ephemeral depiction style of the classicists ?

4. Spectacularly Unsuccessful : bowled all ends up clean through the gate

The Other : Don’t you believe that the fecundity of ideas in the 18th century was to fructify in the scientific juggernaut that swept in its wake the entire gamut of problems that had plagued mankind for generations , serving to meliorate life on the planet as a whole , and by an osmotic albeit screened process of assimilative diffusion influenced the course that the arts and the humanities were to - almost anachronistically - embark upon ?

You : Eh ?

The Other : Pray do carry on eating. I am so glad to see you use the fork with your left hand

(Note : The Other is pleased to believe that you are significantly less than an equal )