Animal Harm (a non-story NOT by George Orwell)

Wild animals were at large (and small too apparently) in Zanesville, Ohio , USA yesterday and while things are now under control , experts believe this might have been a possibility . . .

Scenes From A Restaurant - 2

Waiter : "Here's your wine , sir. Chateau XXX-XXX, 1954. A very charming little wine - gentle of bouquet , gracious and light of body, a hint of earth in the after-taste with just a trace of tannin to tease the tongue. The fruit lingers nearer the surface and produces the first few notes. Monsieur may be aware it is a first growth wine from the Medoc district of Bordeaux. The vineyard . . ."

Customer (interrupting) : "Whatever.Can you just pour it out please."

Waiter (explodes) : " WHAT ! Get out of here you squalid little philistine and don't you dare come back !"

Scenes From A Restaurant - 1

Customer : " John is it ? Good. Recommend cocktails any,John ?"

Waiter : " We are known for our martini, sir"
Customer : " Not martini,thanks.Too dry."
Waiter : " You could have our Singapore Sling then..."
Customer : " Oh yeah.Hmm. No. Not today though."
Waiter : " A good old Tom Collins then ,sir ?"
Customer : "Boring."
Waiter : " Why don't you try our mojito..."
Customer : " Erm, no , no rum please"
Waiter : " I'd try Cosmopolitan - vodka,cointreau,cranberry juice.."

Customer : "No cranberry juice, thanks. What else with vodka ?

Waiter : " Flirtini,sir - vodka , champagne , cointreau, pineapple"
Customer : "Sorry,pineapple did you say, John ?"
Waiter : "Yes"

Customer : " I hate pineapple.OK. Fruit. Any other fruit going?"

Waiter " There's Apple Frost...."

Customer : "That sounds interesting."

Waiter : "Yes.Cider,cinnamon,bourbon,pear bran..."

Customer : "Cinnamon and whisky ! God no ! No ! What else you got?"

Waiter : "There's Jack Frost..."

Customer : "Not a big Tennessee fan i'm afraid.More fruit ?"

Waiter : "Make you a nice fresh strawberry-and-vodka with lime,sir"

Customer : "Strawberry ?! Nah. Just get me some water please."

Waiter : " Still or sparkling ? "

Customer : "Still"

Waiter comes back with a bottle

Customer : " Erm, tap water please, John "