Friday, January 22, 2010

Bespokely,Holistically and Synergestically Yours

" Martha , i spot synergies in our core affinities .we should leverage these going forward and arrive at a seamless integration. i bring a best of breed , customer-centric philosophy to the table. this bespoke solution is a win-win. pls advise ASAP.Regards.John."

"John , this is no low hanging fruit so pls manage expectations. Your proposition is not scalable. Declining is a strategic imperative. Mike is the only talent that gets any traction with me ; in fact i think he's quite cutting edge. i'm eyeing a possible M&A there. Best.Martha"

"Martha , your evaluation was not holistic and missed the big picture. i urge an out-of-the box approach. pls consider a paradigm shift. John."

"John , my analysis is's some value-added insight : it's a no. Martha."

" Bitch !"

" Jerk ! "

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Any colour you like

“White ! ” cried Charlie bubbly as they come.

I was quick to point out my utter lack of interest in the colour of his vest.

That clearly deflated poor Charlie’s enthusiasm . “ It’s so unfair !”, said Charlie “ The colour thing women were onto on Facebook. What about us men , what about something similar for us , like raising awareness of , er,..oh,lung cancer, for Pete’s Sake ! ” . It could hardly have been for , say , Paulina’s sake. That's Charlie’s thing,consistency.

I managed to calm him down. Tweeting him an update or a joke usually does it and it did now. Charlie lightened up a bit. Gradually he let on what was really troubling him. He brandished a copy of The Economist . It had to do with personal hygiene in 17th century Europe. “The thing is” , said Charlie , face clouding over “the missus has had the same colour posted on her FB update over three days running now. I’ve questioned her about it but she’s in denial mode and just refuses to make a clean breast of things ”. And i know that Charlie - who loves his dinner as dearly as the next man, perhaps even a morsel more - has to keep things closer to his chest than he'd like.

I assured Charlie that worse things have been known to happen. Such as having sheep thrown at you while you were having a bad day at Mafia Wars. I thought I saw Charlie nod in agreement but of course it might only have been somebody giving him a poke.