Tuesday, January 22, 2008

We Are Family (I’ve got Sister Oprah on TV)

Surfing lands you , alas , at Oprah.

Guests on this one are Joseph Simmons a.k.a DJ Run a.k.a Rev Run , ex-vocalist of Run DMC and his family :
-Rev Run : 1 nos.
-Mrs.Rev : 1 nos.
-Daughters : 3 nos.
-Sons : 3 nos.
Numbers enough to make the cast of a Reality show –which apparently they are.

Rev Run raps the good , wholesome and upright rap. Rev Run is now a priest and this sermon on the mounted camera is about Family.

Says Run : “It’s important to realize a family is something you make”.

Oprah -bright eyed , nodding , eager , interested , leaning forward- repeats :
“Uh-huh, a family is something you make”.

“The family that plays together ….” says Oprah in voice over -

- Cue shots of the brood shooting basket in the family yard , swimming at the family pool and bowling on the family outing

“…and prays together…”

- Cut to shot of the family praying under the Reverend’s watchful eyes

“…stays together”

- Cut to the happy and huge Rev family back live at the studio with OW.

Much applause from audience as OW continues

“He’s a doting father….”

- Cue shots of Rev Run at various stages of being doting daddy to the kids Run

“….and an adoring husband”

- Cut to shot of Mr. and Mrs. Rev locked in a tender kiss. .“ I love you” says Mrs. Rev with a dreamy and For-Reality TV look.

Much applause from audience as the screen cuts back to Mr. Rev at the studio

Rev Run : “You gotta schedule the family in and I mean , really schedule…....... in capital letters S…C…H…”

- Cut to me reaching for the remote

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Prosaic musings on poetry

The poet and I are strangers.

Where the poet plumbs the sunken depths of the human condition , I get a plumber to fix the condition of the sink. Where the poet soars to the loftiest heights of the human spirit , I take the nearest elevator to the bar. Where I struggle with common sense , the poet shines with uncommon sensitivity. Where I have mere myopia , the poet has vision. (Not that I could find any even with glasses on)

Any wonder , then , that I just didn’t get Shelly’s ‘Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought’ from To A Skylark ? I have somehow never quite managed to equate sad and sweet without recalling an article I had once read on binge eating apparently brought on by depression. Not when the accompanying visuals could have been a Damien Hirst installation or something out of Naked Lunch.

Or take the line before that “Our sincerest laughter / With some pain is fraught”. This idea is also mirrored in that fabulous Kaifi Azmi ghazal from Arth “Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho / Kya gam hain jisko chhupa rahe ho” . The poignant old Laughter- in-Pain motif.

Funnily enough , I can’t think of too many instances of people laughing in pain. Or of people - not least the superior sex - concealing their pain behind a gleeful smile or three. Quite the contrary. Shorter the joy longer the face about describes the average equation.The missus, for instance , was certainly not flashing me any smiles when I accidentally dropped that electric iron on her foot the other day. My instant and very foolish laughter though turned out to be with much pain fraught.

On a parting note :
How would you describe mystery- genre poems of early 19th century America?
- Edgar Allen Poetry !

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Surely You're Choking Mr Feignman

Books ! Books !! Books !!!

Fact books. Fiction books. Saucy books. Slanderous books. Thin books. Thick books. Titillating books. Topical books. Poetry books. Political books. Racy books. Rich books. Poor books. Stocks books. Booker books. Broker Books. Psycho books. Ponderous books. Light books. Dark books. Frothy books. Frilly books. Fizzy books. Fuzzy books. Philandering books. Polymorphic books. Poster books. Thriller books. Thick skinned books. Hindu books. Naked books. Film books. Hardbound books. Sports books. Travel books. Adrenalin books. Aspirin books. High heeled books. Hard nosed books. Polished books. Silicone books. Bible books. Brit books. Horror books. Holy books. Bit books. Tender books. Tit books. Peep books. Peek books. Piece books. Peace books. Presbyterian books. War books. Evangelist books. Pornographic books. Text books. Graphic books. Hare Krishna books. Paperback books. Upfront books. Sensational books. Secretive books. Nebulous books. Nook books. Cornerstone books. Watershed books. Landmark books. Literary books. Laugh books. Cry books. Lingerie books. Hare Rama books. Critically acclaimed books. Scrip books. Script books. Cretin books. Dangerous books. Subversive books. Jesus books. Synaptic books. Serious books. Pulp fiction books. Fruit books. Juice books. Jacuzzi books. Bodhidharma books. Bodhisattva books. Zen books. Zoroastrian books. Black books. Malcom X books. Gandhi books. Mandela books. Manson books. Black box books. Out of the box books. Tool books. Endomorphic books. Cosmopolitan books. Pain books. Communist books. Zany books. Books books.

The capital of books is books.

I saw a book once.

Books !
Books !! Books !!!