Strawberry Fields Occasionally

Just Kidding

2012-01-30T23:47:00.000+04:00

My neighbor Charlie took a shine to 'Unleash Your Inner Child : Be Curious, Be Crazy' , tip number six from Ten Terrific Tips For Sizzling Success when he first read the piece. ('Like our Facebook page to win a free Sizzling Success Mug').

He's not such a fan anymore. Not after it had unleashed the Outer Adult in his boss.

Which happened when he tried applying it at work. During a business review meeting , his boss had asked for sales to be increased and costs to be cut . Charlie interrupted mid-sentence to ask why. And Charlie was promptly asked to share his own sales numbers.

"Shan't too ! " said Charlie.

When the other begged Charlie's pardon , Charlie paid no attention. He burst into a sudden giggle instead and said hey how come you have such a funny nose.

The much-zapped boss pulled off a weak laugh and asked what the hell was wrong with Charlie today.Charlie ignored him and carried on singing. He also began to draw something.(The guy next to him was to say later that - seeing as how it looked like a TV remote mounted on a pair of antennae which of course was absurd - it was probably a creature of some sort, a man possibly)

The now-irritated boss then asked Charlie to get the fuck out of there and sort himself out. Charlie scowled , pouted , stomped his feet , glared. Then Charlie stood right up and knocked down his chair.

He was howling when they dragged him out of the room.

Charlie , now on rest leave , was sipping a thoughtful coffee from his Sizzling Success mug when i met him yesterday. "Naturally I don't blame them." he said "I look at it from a holistic perspective."

Tip number one or two, no doubt.

Scenes From A Restaurant - 3

2012-01-24T14:33:00.000+04:00

Waiter : "Here's your bill, sir"

Customer : "$150. Hmm...." (whispers) " Er, this is embarrassing but I'm running a bit short here. Could you possibly lend me a tenner."

Waiter : "No."

Customer : " Right. So here's $150 for the bill. And this is the $25 that I'm not going to tip you after all."

Perfect Strangers.

2011-12-09T02:44:00.009+04:00

You book flight tickets online.Transaction done you realize that you should have entered the promotion code for a discount.You're at this counter the next day to buy advance tickets for a film festival.You pay up ,collect your tickets,begin to walk.

Afterthought.

You turn around to confirm that a few free passes you've got need to be redeemed just before each screening.No sir , the young lady says , you could have done it right here and why didn't you tell me before paying.You ask if the purchase could not be cancelled.

But you know the answer already.No indeed sir , they could not.

Later walking out in the mellow sunshine you contemplate some. The rich get richer , the poor get poorer.

The unlikely-to-ever-be-rich get bicycles for their fish.

At rip-off prices too no doubt.

What really enhances the quality of your reflection at this point though is remembering that your frequent flyer card was offering a one paid-one free promotion for this festival.

Money and you : this line is probably the closest you've ever been to each other. Or ever likely to be !

Animal Harm (a non-story NOT by George Orwell)

2011-10-20T20:25:00.005+04:00

Wild animals were at large (and small too apparently) in Zanesville, Ohio , USA yesterday and while things are now under control , experts believe this might have been a possibility . . .

Scenes From A Restaurant - 2

2011-10-17T13:37:00.004+04:00

Waiter : "Here's your wine , sir. Chateau XXX-XXX, 1954. A very charming little wine - gentle of bouquet , gracious and light of body, a hint of earth in the after-taste with just a trace of tannin to tease the tongue. The fruit lingers nearer the surface and produces the first few notes. Monsieur may be aware it is a first growth wine from the Medoc district of Bordeaux. The vineyard . . ."

Customer (interrupting) : "Whatever.Can you just pour it out please."

Waiter (explodes) : " WHAT ! Get out of here you squalid little philistine and don't you dare come back !"

Scenes From A Restaurant - 1

2011-10-07T20:55:00.011+04:00

Customer : " John is it ? Good. Recommend cocktails any,John ?"

Waiter : " We are known for our martini, sir"
Customer : " Not martini,thanks.Too dry."
Waiter : " You could have our Singapore Sling then..."
Customer : " Oh yeah.Hmm. No. Not today though."
Waiter : " A good old Tom Collins then ,sir ?"
Customer : "Boring."
Waiter : " Why don't you try our mojito..."
Customer : " Erm, no , no rum please"
Waiter : " I'd try Cosmopolitan - vodka,cointreau,cranberry juice.."

Customer : "No cranberry juice, thanks. What else with vodka ?

Waiter : " Flirtini,sir - vodka , champagne , cointreau, pineapple"
Customer : "Sorry,pineapple did you say, John ?"
Waiter : "Yes"

Customer : " I hate pineapple.OK. Fruit. Any other fruit going?"

Waiter " There's Apple Frost...."

Customer : "That sounds interesting."

Waiter : "Yes.Cider,cinnamon,bourbon,pear bran..."

Customer : "Cinnamon and whisky ! God no ! No ! What else you got?"

Waiter : "There's Jack Frost..."

Customer : "Not a big Tennessee fan i'm afraid.More fruit ?"

Waiter : "Make you a nice fresh strawberry-and-vodka with lime,sir"

Customer : "Strawberry ?! Nah. Just get me some water please."

Waiter : " Still or sparkling ? "

Customer : "Still"

Waiter comes back with a bottle

Customer : " Erm, tap water please, John "

Deconstructing : SCHINDLER'S LIST (1993)

2011-09-13T12:29:00.002+04:00

(click on image for larger view)

Deconstructing : THE MATRIX (1999)

2011-03-23T22:59:00.004+04:00